When life is coming to an end – due to an incurable illness or simply the passage of time – it can be valuable to reflect on what lies ahead. What is important to you? What choices do you (still) want to make?
It may be useful to discuss these questions with people around you and with your doctor. Talking about your own death is an important first step. Sometimes that can be a very big step. However, it is good for yourself and those around you if you can take this step. It remains your own choice whether or not you want to talk about it. There is no obligation. You can assume that your doctor will be happy to discuss this with you.
It is always important to try to reduce unpleasant symptoms caused by illness. The company of another person can help with this. Simple support – it sounds so simple – is so important. Talk to your doctor about the options for alleviating symptoms, including medication.
Making clear arrangements about the end of your life, especially about what you do and do not want to happen, can provide peace of mind and clarity. If you decide to do this, it is wise to discuss it with your GP beforehand. Ask for explanations about any tests and/or treatments that are unclear. Discuss the various options for pain relief with your doctor. Give your doctor a copy of your completed statement and make sure your doctor knows who your contact person is. Of course, you should tell your doctor what your relationship is with this contact person (child, partner, close friend or neighbour).
The arrangements concerning the end of your life cannot be enforced, but doctors and nurses will generally try to follow the arrangements made as closely as possible. What you want as a patient is very important. Let your doctor know.
Check this out example – that can serve as inspiration. Preferably write by hand and use your own words. It is important that your wishes are first discussed with your partner, children or others who care about you.
Doctors are sometimes inclined to continue with examinations and treatment. Patients also prefer not to give up, and doctors do not want to dash the patient's hopes. This often results in an accumulation of heavy treatments with many side effects. If the chance of improvement is small, refraining from or stopping treatment may be a good choice. It is good to consider the positive consequences of deciding, as a patient, not to undergo further heavy treatment. Specialists do not always mention non-treatment as an option. They often forget what is obvious: just wait and see.
When it becomes clear that the end of your life is approaching, there is a way to remain in control. A way of dealing with your individuality that is not suitable for everyone. Nevertheless, it is important to discuss this method here: consciously refusing food and drink. It is often difficult for bystanders to understand that someone can decide to stop eating and drinking. Nevertheless, people regularly choose to do so. Especially if your life is already in a precarious balance, or if you have a serious incurable illness, that choice can lead to a deathbed that can be experienced as dignified and good. Discuss this with your own doctor; it is certainly worth discussing.
There are always things that distract you. Busyness is all around us. But... what really matters in the end? Don't put off making plans to agree on this. Take the time to discuss it with advisors. Give yourself the opportunity to do what you really want to do in the finite time you have. It might be a good idea to go through a number of points and record them.
Write down the answers to the above questions. Record this in a document. Sign it.
Inform your partner, children, family, and loved ones so that they know how you feel about these matters and what you have written down.
Keep this document safe. Ensure that your family or close friends have a copy. Naturally, your doctor will also receive a copy.
Here you can find various resources on palliative care and practical tips on how to deal with it.
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